die to death

I need a vacation. IF I get an April vacation, I’m debating either treating myself to a night away in a hotel somewhere or sleeping in the forrest. Whatever I do, I need some fucking alone time guys. 

Church dad is wonderful. I wouldn’t want to be apart from him. But with him, the little guy and my friend that is temporarily crashing with us, I have zero privacy. I just want to paint my nails and listen to some classical music (and other musically schizophrenic playlists that I have created). I have no place to do this. 

Gahhhh. 

Cocaine. I don’t know why people hate on it so much.

I’ve been wide awake since 3am. Well, fuck.

Wow.

When a 40-something year old slam pig texts me FROM MY UNCLE’S PHONE at an absurd hour of night telling me that *I* need to grow up?! haha. Okay.

I have a full time job. I also have 2 part time jobs. Oh. And I’m the director of a youth conference for ALL OF NEW ENGLAND. I financially support myself and others in my family. I do good things for my community and many others.

You, on the other hand, have just jumped from relationship to relationship. You’ve never financially supported yourself. I don’t give a fuck if you rescue cats because you treat my uncle’s dogs like shit. You dress like you’re 18 and, for your age, you might look good but everything about you SCREAMS DESPERATION. You’re a pathetic, mentally unstable little girl.

I’ve sat by quietly as you’ve ruined my uncle’s life. But NO ONE IN OUR FAMILY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOU. I can’t wait for you to be gone. And you’ve now unleashed my wrath. I fully intend on making you feel like the pathetic, insignificant, unoriginal bitchy loser that you are. YOU FUCKING PSYCHO.

Please. Tell me how I need to grow up. Right after you take every electrical appliance into a bathtub with you, you fucking piece of shit floozy. Fuck you.

One last thing: maybe don’t text me in the middle of the night when I need to be up at 5 to take care of a 2 year old and baby lambs. Obviously I need to grow up.

Dear cervix,

I know you’ve been through a lot in the past year… with perpetual yeast infections and some weird fucking inflammation in that uterus. Not to mention the prolonged bleeding for months at a time. I know uterus is being a real cunt lately but I think you and I can come to some sort of agreement that we don’t have to hate each other. 

I know the other day was really traumatizing for you. The IUD was unexpected and I should have warned you before hand. I know you’re tiny and smaller than most cervixes (cervices? cervicies? sp?) and so I can understand the uncontrollable spazzeming on your part. I haven’t had kids (also, good job on dodging that bullet with me) so it’s not like you’ve been stretched or anything. It wasn’t fun for me and your little “freak out” made it less thrilling for me and more painful. I can let bygones be bygones though.

Let’s talk about the past few days. I know you’re still healing. I get it. I’m thankful you don’t cause paralyzing cramps during work hours. That’s really dope of you. However, these mind numbing cramps that make me feel as though I might pass out have GOT to stop. Especially in the middle of the night. What is that shit about? 

Please. Forgive & forget. Stop hurting me.
I love you.